4 Bizarre Historical Deaths
Wacky! Weird! Macabre!
Mystery Mob!
Strange. Unlucky. Wrong place, wrong time. Unbelievable. All ways to describe the first list of extraordinary deaths we’ve collected during our internet rabbit hole research. There’s at least twenty we’d like to chat about, but for the sake of brevity we’re going to describe four today.
(Don’t worry, we’ll do another list at some point with some more!)
But before we engage our morbid curiosity, let’s solve this week’s riddle:
I am a lion, but I cannot roar.
I am a parrot, but I cannot soar.
I am a dog, but I cannot be taught.
I am a zebra, but I cannot trot.
What am I?
Answer: a fish! These are all types of fish.
Did you solve it? I know it was tough. If you didn’t, work on your skills! You’ll need them when you’re the detective in our interactive mystery series coming out soon! (We’re debating just allowing everyone to do Part 1 of the series for free...probably will. So stay tuned!)
Now, back to this whole strange death list we’ve compiled…
The ancient Athenian killed by adulation - the guy was literally applauded to death
Draco the Lawgiver, who lived during the 7th century BC, was an Athenian legislator, famous for reforming the city’s legal system. Prior to his law codes and courts, they relied mainly on tribal oral laws, enforced by the citizens themselves (which was obviously not great).
Little known fact here: the severity of the legal system Draco came up with is why the term “draconian” refers to harsh penalties.
But, let’s get to this odd death.
Following an address to the citizens of Aegina, Draco was showered with adulation. The crowd applauded him and threw him gifts of gratitude. These gifts included cloaks, hats, and other clothing.
They threw and threw and threw….until the pile overtook Draco and suffocated him.
Siri, remind me not to make anything worthy of this much applause…
The Austrian who needed to shave
Hans Steininger was the mayor of Braunau (modern day Austria) in 1567. He was a well-liked mayor from most historical accounts.
Oh, and he had a beard that was five feet long.
Typically, Steininger kept his face-bear rolled up in a leather pouch (don’t tell any hipsters in Brooklyn about this fashion idea unless you want to start seeing it everywhere…).
A fire erupted in the town and sparked chaos. Unfortunately for Hans, this was a day where he let his beard flow free.
He tripped over it, tumbled down a set of stairs, and broke his neck.
That’s why you gotta trim!
The Swedish King whose last meal was self-inflicted
Adolf Frederick was King of Sweden from 1751 until his death twenty years later. He rose to power courtesy of his aunt - Elizabeth of Russia. She placed a large swath of Finland under Swedish rule (after the Russo-Swedish War ended) but only if her nephew had the throne.
That’s an all-time Cool Aunt move, if I’ve ever seen one.
His authority and power were lesser than parliament though. Frederick was basically just a figurehead...who liked to feast.
At one particular banquet, in 1771, Frederick ate himself to death. The meal was insane - lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring, and champagne - but it was the desert that did it.
Semla, a traditional Nordic dish that consists of a bread bun in a bowl of hot milk, was Frederick’s favorite sweet treat. He ate fourteen servings of it after the crazy meal above...and (obviously) died from digestive complications.
Yowsa.
The American congressman who shot himself in court
This one is my favorite of the four.
In Ohio in 1870, a brawl broke out during a game of cards. A man named Thomas Myers was among brawlers. Guns were drawn. Myers stood up, pulled out his pistol, fired a few rounds, then sat back down and died.
An apparent enemy of Myers, Thomas McGehan, was also there that night. He was accused of murder and put on trial. The lawyer he hired for his defense was a former congressman named Clement Vallandigham.
The night after the prosecution closed their arguments, Vallandigham had an idea. He was arguing that it was Myers who accidentally shot himself, not his client McGehan. So Vallandigham wanted to show how much residue would be left in a gun after a point-blank range shot.
He took a piece of muslin from his hotel, went to an open field, and conducted his experiment. Post-experiment, three rounds remained in the gun. Back at the hotel, Vallandigham laid his client’s empty gun and the experimental gun side by side. (Chekhov eat your heart out…)
The next day at trial, he decided to demonstrate. He drew a pistol from his pocket, turned the muzzle on himself, and pulled the trigger.
It was loaded. He died in his hotel room shortly after.
But he did win the case. Unfortunately, McGehan ended up being shot and killed a year later anyway. Not great!
Want some longer reads on these?
If you need some more detailed pieces to satisfy that deathly curious nature, check them out below:
Draco: Here’s a longer read on Draco and a few other wild deaths from ancient Greece
Steininger: Here’s an article that tells you how you can visit the Mayor’s memorial...including his ACTUAL beard which was preserved!
Frederick: Here’s a History101 article about his odd, food-related death.
Vallandigham: Here’s a good BBC write up on the full story and trial.
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As always,
Stay ‘spicious
-Andy & Mark
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