We have to talk Monoliths

Take me, take me!

Conspirators!

We have to chat about these Monoliths that have been appearing all over the globe. Even if this is slightly old news to you, we’re hoping to provide a fresh take on these.

For those of you who don’t know… yes, 10-12 foot tall silver monoliths are appearing all over the globe, and even the answers that make sense… don’t make a whole lot of sense? Ready for more? Let’s take a little nibble.

Phallic symbols left by aliens are never good news…

Let’s start with the first one. On November 18th, 2020, a helicopter crew that was counting bighorn sheep (sure...) notices a flash of metal in the otherwise very desolate landscape. Check out the video released by the Utah Department of Public Safety. On November 27th, a group removes the monolith, claiming the environmental impact would disrupt the land (again, sure...)

That exact same day, a second monolith appears; this time it’s in Romania. With slightly different construction, the Romanian monolith shows up just outside the city of Piatra Neamt, near an archaeological site. Four days later, it is removed (no confirmed parties on this one) and that same day, another pops up in California. 

The California monolith was removed December 5th by what seems to be a charming group of young men dressed in camo, sporting night vision and Trump paraphernalia. Chanting “America First” and “Christ is King,” the group dragged down the monolith claiming, “Christ is King in this country. We don’t want illegal aliens from Mexico or outer space… so let’s tear this bitch down.” Yikes. Charming indeed.

Maybe Aliens just really like 2001: A Space Odyssey??

So what are we dealing with? Aliens? Artists? Advertisements? Aardvarks?

1. Artists: Two artists/artist groups have been associated with the monoliths - John McCracken (though he’s been dead since 2011) and the group The Most Famous Artist(they’ve refused to claim outright as there are hefty fees for littering, but they’re also selling new monoliths for $45,000 a pop so.... ugh, I think the aliens can just blow us up now.)

2. Aliens: Speaking of aliens, it wasn’t long before they were the main discussion of this conspiracy (when are they not?) Though the monoliths do have human design elements, the backbone of this theory lies in not a single witness seeing them get put up. The Utah monolith location is also “a tough place to get to on vehicle and on foot,” according to a spokesperson for the Utah’s Division of Wildlife Services. I mean it’s odd that no one saw something fishy for any of these monoliths?

3. An ad campaign: On December 3rd, Jeep “repurposed” the monolith to make it look like a charging station for their new electric Wrangler… wow really neato guys! 

4. Aardvarks: It was probably aardvarks. 

The final dose of reality is that copycats are starting to appear everywhere, most recently in a nature reserve in the Netherlands and a candy shop in Pittsburgh. And as tempting as it is to think of aliens singing 50 Cent’s glorious “I’ll take you to the candy shop” as they install their 5th monolith to just f*ck with humans, the more “fakes” that pop up, the less chance of getting to the truth. 

(That being said, Ripley’s Believe It or Not! has offered a $10,000 reward for any tips on tracking down the original Utah monolith so fingers crossed… and toes probably.)

THE EYE OF SAURON?? Oh, wait no, just another stupid monolith…

What’s your thought, conspirators? Considering how 2020 has gone, it’d be nice to get some damn closure on SOMETHING, right? If you’re ready for more, take a bigger bite below:

• An in-depth bite at Vox

• The Wiki page, which is continuously being updated with new copycats

• A pretty solid video by the vlogbrothers

And whether it’s aliens or not, you know the drill: 

Stay ‘spicious

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